mr_slymme (mr_slymme) wrote in hagridscock,

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Hagrid teaching about the birds and the bees? What could be better? And as an extra bonus, Mr. Slymme leaves the students in class up to your twisted imagination. That's right, you get to choose not just who is there, but what year they are in.
-Mr. Slymme

Hagrid, the Head of the Class

By Mr. Slymme

Hagrid paced nervously in front of the empty classroom. He had received an owl from McGonagall saying she was called away on an urgent matter and could he take her class at two on sex. He understood he would be a natural choice, but he had never tried to do a lesson on it...except private ones. Hagrid started to grin at that thought.

Just then students started to come in. The first ones stopped when they saw him.

"Hagrid, what are you doing here? Where's Professor McGonagall?"

"Not to worry, not to worry. Professor McGonagall 'as been called away on an urgent matter and will return when she can. In the meantime, old 'Agrid will take 'er lessons. Just find yer seats and we'll begin."

The students sat down and stared straight at him. Hagrid stared back. The students waited for him to begin. He shuffled from one foot to the other.

"Right. Well, let's get to it then. So, where did the professor leave off?"

A young girl raised her hand.

"Yes, luv."

"We were discussing the differences between a wizard and a witch."

"The differences...?"


"Right. Well, the main difference is that a wizard is a bloke and a witch is a bird. So what is something different about the wizard?"

There was a long silence. Finally, a young boy raised his hand.


"The uh, um, wand?"

"The wand? I guess you could put it that way. Never into euphemisms meself. But fine, we'll call it a wand. Yep, the wand is something the wizard has that is different. Also called the John Thomas, the cock or penis. 'Ow many of you ladies 'ave seen a penis."

The class looked almost shocked. There were a few snickers. Nobody raised his or her hand. They all just looked around.

"Come on, come on. 'Ow many. Don't be shy. Plenty of reasons fer seeing a wang doodle."

A couple of girls raised their hands.

"I saw my baby brother's, uh, dinky, when I was younger."

Good, good. Well, instead of trying to describe it ter the rest of ya, let me just show you."

With that Hagrid pulled down his trousers. His enormous cock started to swell. Everyone covered their mouth as eyes grew wide. The room was silent.

"Now this is no ordinary cock. Most of you will never encounter anything as grand as this one. Fact, gents, all of yer, stand up and drop yer trousers."

The boys looked aghast.

"Come on, come on, that's what we're 'ere fer."

As Hagrid walked down the aisles, his cock bouncing with each step, the boys got up reluctantly and removed their robes. Then they waited for one of them to be first. Finally they unbuttoned their trousers and pulled them down along with their shorts. Ten assorted cocks now looked around, some hard and ready, others limply waking up. The girls stared, giggling.

"That's enough of that ladies. Never, ever laugh at a bloke's tally whacker. It's 'is pride and joy. Even if it is tiny, like his over there, you should respect it. Now all you ladies, stand up and partner with a gent."

The girls got up and each stood next to a boy, though one girl was left out.

"What's the matter, luv? No partner fer you? Guess yer mine. Come on up ter the front of the class. Now ladies, take the dick in yer 'and. Give it a bit of a squeeze...oh, you can use two hands dear...feel the firmness and the heat. What yer 'olding now can give yer lots of pleasure and also knock yer be warned. Right. Now ladies, take off your clothes too."

The girls were reluctant to let go of the penises, but then they removed their robes, clothes and knickers with less hesitation than the boys had shown.

"Beautiful, all of yer. 'Specially you, luv. Now, all of yer watch."

Hagrid used his partner for the demonstration.

"The breasts or tits are delicate and soft. Don't just grab them and squeeze. Yer gotta be gentle. Take yer 'ands and gently knead 'em. Circle yer fingers round the nipples. Kiss 'em. Give 'em a slight squeeze or nibble. Don't squeeze or bite too 'ard."

Hagrid's partner had her eyes closed as he ran his hands over her and sucked her breasts into his mouth. The boys started to do the same with their partners, all the while watching Hagrid, too.

"Now gents, on yer knees."

The boys dropped to their knees straight away.

"Now, take yer tongue and start to explore yer lady's fanny. That's right, beyond the 'air, inter the tunnel o' luv. Then follow the outer folds to the clitoris."

Hagrid demonstrated and the boys followed. There was a sudden inrush of breath from all the ladies as the boys began, and a second one when they found the clitoris.

"Now practice fer about five minutes. And as a note, you'll be pickin' 'air outta yer teeth fer a day."

One of the girls started to buck and almost collapsed. She grabbed her desk as she yelled out with a mighty orgasm.

"Five points ter Gryffindor! That's the way ter do it, son. And a screamer too. They add excitement ter fuckin'."

Not to be out done, Hagrid returned to his student and brought her to climax after a few more minutes.

"Mmm, savor the taste. Makes yer want more. Now, switch places. Girls down, boys up...heh heh. Now take the penis and put it in yer mouth. Don't bite on it. Slowly move it in and out as you run yer tongue over it. And jes so yer know, use yer 'ands too. Yer mouth alone won't cut it, so stroke 'im a lot."

A classroom of blowjobs was a sight to behold. Hagrid looked over the students proudly. Then he turned his attentions back to his own sucker and rubbed her hair.

"Before I ferget, when a lad cums, yer can take it in yer mouth and swallow it, let it shoot on yer face, or spray it on yer tits or some such place. Yer'll know 'e's about ter blow 'cause his breathing will change or 'e might start grunting. And if you don't like the taste of it, but 'e insists, then take it in yer mouth, snog 'im and spit it inta 'is."

Hagrid let the orality continue for a few minutes, but he did not want to run out of time before the last part of the lesson.

"Right, dicks out. Don't worry that you didn't cum. That's the next part. The best way to do this is to have the girls lean across their desks, as the boys mount 'em from behind. Now, before yer start fuckin' away, take yer wands. Boys, point yers at yer testicles, ladies, yers go towards yer twats. Gents say 'vasectomus temporarium' and ladies say 'spermus impedimentia'."

The students did as they were told.

"These will stop yer all from getting preggers. Ladies, always do it, because yer can't count on most guys to be considerate and all. Now, ladies over the desks. Boys, guide yer cock inta their vaginas. Ladies, you can help 'em. Wait, wait...any virgins in 'ere?"

Hands went up.

"Fer the guys, this won't matter, but fer the ladies, the first time can be painful. Take yer wand and once again point it at yer fanny and say 'hymen numbus.' There, now to continue...cocks back inta the cunts. Now slowly push in."

Groans filled the room as several cocks forced their way into virgin fannies. Hagrid meanwhile used his pink umbrella to cast a spell to enlarge his partner's pussy enough for him to split her without causing her too much discomfort.

"Now, out and then in again. Get a rhythm going. The object is ter bring yer woman to orgasm before you get there. First one to get his woman to cum gets ten points. Last gent to cum himself gets fifty points fer his house...though I'm fairly sure that would be me.

The boys kept ramming in and out of the girls. Snorts, grunts, sighs and groans filled the room. Some of the girls called out, "yes, fuck me harder."

"Now, don't get carried away...if yer cumming too soon, then all yer gots left is talking."

A blond hair boy sneered as he savagely fucked a dark haired girl. An awkward boy started to stammer as he came too quickly. Three girls started to moan and the one who had screamed earlier screamed again, but this time louder. The glasses fell off her partner.

"Uff, ten points...ter...Gryffindor...urf..."

As the room went about merrily fucking, the door opened and Professor McGonagall walked in. She stood in abject horror as she took in the tableau.

"Stop this! Stop this all of you!! What is going on in here!!!" she shouted above the humping.

"Er, Minerva, jes a little lesson. Yer students are eager to learn."


"Sure, you sent me a parchment asking me to take yer class on sex."

"This class is on 'Sexism in the Magical World.'"

Hagrid took out the parchment he had received and unrolled it. At the bottom, he noticed a part had been torn away.

"Send this yerself?"

"Of course I did...though...just before...I heard a noise in the hall and went to see. When I came back, Peeves was floating about the room...oh dear."

"Well, no point cryin' over deflowered virgins. Guess I really fucked up this lesson."

At that, all the students laughed and cheered for Hagrid, then they returned to their humping until all their wads were blown.
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