By Mr. Slymme
Hagrid stood crying just outside his charred hut. He had carried the body of Dumbledore to a safe location and was heading towards the hospital wing, when he decided to stop. Fang was safe and the fire was barely smoldering. As the tears rolled down his scruffy face, he took satsuma from his pocket and bit into it. He was too pre-occupied with Dumbledore’s death and with the fact that Snape was truly a traitor that he failed to notice the noose falling around his neck until it was too late and he was being dragged up into the air. About seven meters above him was a Death Eater on a broomstick stolen from the Quidditch supplies. The Death Eater had tied one end of the rope to the broom and was now rising up. Hagrid tried to grab at the lash as he felt the life being choked out of him. He thought that the screeching laugh of the Death Eater might be the last sound he would ever hear.
“What’s the matter, half-breed? Just want to hang around? Well, so do I!”
Hagrid, his eyes swelling shut and his body exhausted from his earlier fight with the other Death Eaters, ignored the taunts and grabbed onto the rope. He was determined not to die like Steve Milligan*. He tried to forget the satsuma in his mouth and the fact that he was wearing Madame Maxine’s knickers. He attempted to pull his other hand up, in order to climb up to the Death Eater, but the noose was too tight and he ended up slipping. As soon as the rope grew taut, Hagrid heard a “snap” and feared his neck had broken, but he soon realized this was not the case. He could hardly breathe and felt himself getting light-headed, but he could still move his arms and legs. Unknown to him, the sound had been made by the broomstick.
When Hagrid had slipped, the shock from stopping his falling body had caused the broomstick to crack. It did not break into two pieces, but rather split and started to fly erratically. The Death Eater tried to regain control, but to no avail. First, his hood fell off and then he found himself being bucked from his mount and falling straight towards his victim.
The Death Eater screamed and reached out to save himself, grabbing onto Hagrid’s trousers. The broom still flew wildly. The weight of the Death Eater, as well as the motion from the broom and Hagrid’s flailing body, caused Hagrid’s trousers to slide down his legs. The Death Eater tried to climb back up and grabbed onto Hagrid’s knickers, which also slid away. Had he not had a noose around his neck, cutting off almost all air to and from his throat, Hagrid mostly likely would have protested with an “’Ere now.”
As the Death Eater realized that Hagrid’s trousers and knickers were about to fall away, taking him with them, he reached out and grabbed the only thing within reach…Hagrid’s enormous cock.
Hagrid tried to ignore the fact that a man was holding onto his cock. He had had men touch it before certainly. In fact, on several occasions, Sirius Black had knocked it aside when they double-teamed a girl and Hagrid got carried away. But this was different. This was a man holding onto his penis. Hagrid was no pansy, but he was feeling highly aroused. A pity he could no longer breathe.
The broom flew back and fourth, up and down, as if it could not decide which way to go. The break in it became greater with each sudden gyration of Hagrid’s suffocating bulk. The Death Eater climbed slowly up the massive cock, only to find himself slipping down it, due to some dragon fat Hagrid had smeared on it earlier while he was thinking about some naked fourth year girls. Again and again, the Death Eater struggled to get a better grip and to climb higher on the cock, but always he found himself slipping down. Hagrid’s cock grew thicker as each downward slide stroked it.
Finally the Death Eater found himself sliding all the way down, merely holding onto the head of Hagrid’s prick, staring into the slight opening on the end. Hagrid could no longer hold it. He came with the most tremendous orgasm he had ever felt, enhanced by his lack of oxygen. It washed over him and burst forth with such force that the Death Eater was spunked to his doom. The Death Eater would have screamed, but his mouth became saturated with liters of cum as soon as he opened it. His entire body, in fact, was covered, so he saw and heard nothing as he fell and made a moist slap on the ground below.
The broom finally gave way and came spiraling down to the ground. Hagrid landed roughly with a sore neck and several more bruises. As he stared through swollen eyes at the cum-covered corpse of the Death Eater, he whispered hoarsely, “Thanks mate, that’s the best wank I ever had. Guess there’s something to this asphyxiation fucking business.”
Hagrid then pulled on his trousers and made his way to the school to check on the others and see if any more Death Eaters remained behind.
* Steve Milligan was a Member of Parliament who was found dead in 1994. He was discovered with satsuma in his mouth, wearing women’s knickers and had a rope tied around his neck.