mr_slymme (mr_slymme) wrote in hagridscock,

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For starters, the rumors of my disappearance and possible demise, as listed on hp_crime, were greatly exaggerated.

It’s Hagrid’s natal anniversary, and they say there are two things he likes for his birthday. One is a new vinyl record. The other is…well, if you don’t know, then you must be new to this site.

Many happy returns, Hagrid!

-Mr. Slymme

Harpy Birthday, Hagrid

By Mr. Slymme

Harry, Ron and Hermione had decided to visit Hagrid during a break between their classes. It was Hagrid’s birthday and they were bringing him some presents and a small cake that the Hogwart’s house elves had made, much to Hermione’s protest, since she saw all the house elves as being treated as slaves. She had even started a movement to free them, but it did not seem to work. Perhaps if she seduced one of them…

“’Ello ‘Arry, Ron…and my little ‘Ermione. What brings you lot ‘ere?” Hagrid called out, interrupting Hermione’s train of thought.

All together they shouted, “Happy Birthday, Hagrid!” and they held up the presents and the cake.

“Aw, ya remembered. And wot’s this? Presents? Ya dinna have ta. Well, come on, now, come in, all ‘a ya.”

The three children followed Hagrid into his hut and sat around the table. Hagrid put on the kettle for some tea while Harry cut slices of the cake.

“Here, Hagrid, open this,” Hermione said as she handed him a wrapped package.

Hagrid’s large fingers tore the paper and the ribbon as well. Inside was a booklet. Hagrid opened the cover and saw a picture of Hermione blowing him a kiss. As he turned the page, there were more pictures of her. In one she unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it open, revealing her breasts. Then she acted surprised, as if she just caught someone watching her and closed her blouse, but gave a sly smile. Another picture had her lifting up her robe, revealing only skin beneath. She then took her wand and…

“Let’s see, Hagrid,” Ron blurted as he reached for the book.

“’Er, uh, Ron….ah…”

“Ron. It’s not for you,” Hermione shouted as she slapped down his hands.

“Er, um, thanks, ‘Ermione. I’ll read it later. I love bedtime stories.”

“Here Hagrid,” Harry said as he handed Hagrid a square present, “this is from Ron and me.”

Hagrid opened it up and found…

“Cor, The Lavender Lads latest vinyl!! I love me Lads. I was itchin’ ta get this one, but I dinna know it came out yet.”

“Just. On Tuesday. I saw it and told Harry, so we got it.”

“Aw, thanks lads. This is the best birthday ever.”

Hagrid opened the record, sniffed it and started to play the honeyed tones of the Lavender Lads. They drank tea and ate cake, talking and laughing. Ron secretly took a peek inside of Hermione’s photobook and his eyes grew wide indeed. As he felt his dick stiffen there was a thump on Hagrid’s roof.

“Aw ‘ell, not them again.”

“What is it Hagrid?” Harry asked, as Ron quickly put the book back and used his robes to cover his erection.

“Jes you three wait ‘ere, while I ‘ave a look.”

Hagrid opened his cabin door and was instantly attacked by what appeared to be some very large bird claws.

“Off’n my place, ya bitches,” Hagrid hollered as he swung at the attackers.

The children were scared, but shortly Hagrid came back in with some cuts on his face.

“That’ll keep ‘em fer a while.”

“Hagrid, what were those?” Hermione asked with panic in her voice.

“Ah, jes some ‘arpies.”


“Yeh, bottom ‘alf of a bird, top ‘alf of a woman…and no shirts. Gotta like that.”

“But why were they attacking you?” Ron squeaked.

“Bit of a misunderstanding, that is. Ya see, I had met this ‘arpy in the forest and we kinda ‘it it off. Well, one thing led to another and I end up shagging ‘er fer all she’s worth. I’m there, ‘olding ‘er up, slamming ‘er up and down on me cock. She wraps ‘er claws around me and pinches me arse as she cums, see. Well, them claws hurt and I yelp and let go of ‘er. Since she’s still got ‘er legs aound me, only ‘er top ‘alf falls, and she ‘its ‘er ‘ead on a rock. Next thing I know, there’s blood everywhere, all over me too. Well, some of ‘er sisters come by, see us and think I killed ‘er. So they want revenge is all.”

“Hagrid, what are you going to do?” Hermione shouted.

“Do? Well, there ain’t much I can do. I tried talking to ‘em, but they don’t believe me. I’m sure they’ll get over it soon.”

“Well, help you Hagrid,” Hermione said confidently.

“We’ll what?” Ron yelped.

“No, no, no…I don’t want any of you three getting ‘urt.”

“Don’t worry, Hagrid,” Harry said, “Hermione’s right. We’ll help.”

“Yes,” Hermione started, “we’ll read about harpies and their codes. Perhaps they have a way to make atonement for murder?”

The three children went off, back to class, making sure no harpies were hanging about. Hagrid, meanwhile, started to clean up his table. As he was washing out his mugs, he did not hear his door open. When he turned around, there, on his bed, he saw Ginny Weasley, naked.

“Ere now…wot?”

“Mother said this was your favorite birthday present.”

“Well, I’m not one to call ya mum a liar, dear.”

With that Hagrid removed his clothes, freeing his enormous cock. He started to stroke his large hands over Ginny’s body as she moaned softly. Then he pressed his lips against her fuzzy pussy. Ginny sucked in her breath as Hagrid’s large tongue entered her. She thought he was going to reach all the way up to her throat. It wasn’t long before she started to orgasm. Ginny screamed and grabbed Hagrid’s hair as the Lavender Lads continued to sing.

“Yes, Hagrid, yes, eat me like you do mummy.”

Hagrid finished up, wiped off his chin and smiled at her.


“Oh, Hagrid, it was the best. Now it’s my turn.”

Instantly, she pushed Hagrid on his back and started to suck on the end of his cock. She could not get much of it in between her lips, but her hands did the rest. She sucked and stroked him and it was not long before Hagrid was moaning as he released a torrent of cum into her mouth. As Ginny was choking on the gooey liquid, Hagrid grabbed her and slammed her down on his still stiff rod. She spit up his spunk as she screamed from the sudden thrust. Then she looked at Hagrid with a glint in her eye and started to fuck him as fast as she could.

“Come on, Hagrid, see if you can blow me off.”

Hagrid held on to her, lifting and dropping her in time to her rhythm. She could not go down that far on him, as she was still fairly tight, but she was also very wet. Ginny started to howl. All her screaming covered the sounds of feathery wings flapping by the window. And the scrape of claws walking around outside. A twisted woman’s face stared through the window and saw the arousing tableau.

“Come on Hagrid. I’m taking all you’ve got. Give me all of it. I want it, you bastard.”

“Oh Ginny, sweetie, oh fuck, I can’t ‘old on. Oh shit yeh!”

With that Hagrid shot his load into Ginny’s womb, with the third pulse she found herself popping off him and was covered by the next two spurts.

“Aw fuck, Ginny, you took everything I had. I don’t think I could even stand, I’m so weak.”

“Well, I’m taking more.”

With that, she grabbed his cock and started sucking again. Faster and faster she stroked and sucked until he came a third time.

“Cor, Ginny. What are ya trying to do, kill me? You almost sucked the life outta me.”

Hagrid grabbed Ginny and hugged her, then, wiping off her lips, he gave her a big kiss. She then rested her head and soon fell asleep on his hairy chest. The harpy by the window flew off to her sisters.

“You have returned from the giant’s hut. Do you bring news?” the largest harpy asked.

“Yes, sisters, I found a way to slay the giant. He is weakened by sex. One small girl almost took his life by taking away his semen until he crushed her beneath his massive arms.”

“Then that is what we shall do. Tomorrow my sisters, we will have our vengeance!”

All the harpies cheered.

The next morning found Hagrid thumbing through Hermione’s photobook when he heard the rustling of feathers outside his house. Fang started to bark and Hagrid threw open the door, but nothing was there. He started to walk around the house, when a harpy flew down and grabbed Fang. Then eight others pinned Hagrid’s arms and legs. As he struggled, the largest came over and looked down at him.

“This is for our sister!”

With that, she tore off his pants and started to suck his cock. Her lips were strong and she swallowed him almost halfway. Hagrid stopped his struggling and was confused. She sucked and sucked and finally she flew up and then impaled herself on his massive member. Her feathers tickled Hagrid for a moment, but added an extra sensation that was hard to beat.

“Take this and suffer, you unfeeling monster!”

She shagged Hagrid as hard as she could, flapping her wings, and she felt herself start to cum. She began to moan when she felt hot spunk erupt within her.

“Ha ha, now you are defeated. Take him my sisters!”

With that, the harpies fell on his still throbbing prick and started to suck and stroke it. Hagrid pretended to fight back weakly in order to grab some of the tits bouncing before him. Another harpy mounted him and soon Hagrid was cumming again as he quickly fingered one of his feathery adversaries.

“Feeling weak, oh horrid one? Now do you see that we have destroyed you?”

“Er, um, yeh, I see that, but I think I need a bit more destroying, jes ta make sure, right?”

“Finish him my sisters!”

The harpies, their feathers stiffening from the hardening jizz, worked Hagrid over and he came three more times before he decided to lie very still. Then the harpies cheered, preened their feathers and flew away.

The harpies never bothered Hagrid again and he told the children to forget researching a way to help him. After a few months though he saw a couple of the harpies sitting in a tree, staring at him. One was the leader of the attacks. Neither came close to him, but even at the distance, he could see their swelled bellies. Hagrid smiled.

“Looks like I’m gonna be a dad again, eh Fang.”

Fang barked in congratulations.
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